Happy 1 week to my 21st Birthday.

“After a while you learn the subtle difference

Between holding a hand and chaining a soul 

And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning 

And company doesn’t always mean security. 

And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts 

And presents aren’t promises, 

And you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and your eyes ahead, 

With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child. 

And you learn to build all your roads on today 

Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans 

And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. 

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much, 

So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. 

And you learn that you really can endure, 

You really are strong, 

You really do have worth, 

And you learn and you learn. 

With every goodbye, you learn.”

-Veronica Shoffstal

AND despite all that the world says, 

You never learn from what's been said and done.

That all that's been given to you, empowered to you, 

You embrace with open palms and welcoming spirits because you're afraid you'll never receive the rewards ever again. But the consequences may be too high a toll to pay on your soul and everything within your very being. 

If only fools are satisfied,

Take my sanity away.

I'd be more than grateful, all honesty obliged.

Island Stories: Part 2

The moon and all its shine glared down upon the beach,

The one night he decided to step by himself into the waters,

In the high tide,

All that was to be seen only hours before only  a vision one can assume,

And the rocks that loomed large above his head only a grey spot in the distance.

For a young pup in comparison to the world before him, 

The troubles he seems to endure leave nothing to behold before the large continent that looms endlessly in the horizon,

And as he claws his way through this limitless continent, 

All of this dissipates and the simplicity of walking is all he thinks about, 

Allowing himself air to breathe for the first time in a while. 

And then he looks forth into the water,

This time much darker, the mysteries that it hides beneath the surface,

The countless machines, the countless lives,

And the trees that edge the perimeter of the water only remind him of the Bengal tiger,

The monster who ditched its only friend in the world, to survive a shipwreck unfathomable by the normal human. 

Every tale has been told, and behind every cover another told story awaiting to be read, the punchline never always the same, but there.

This beautiful continent, the second least travelled by the human race,

Probably the most dangerous of them all. 

Capable of engulfing the mightiest of creatures, both natural and man-made,

It is on the brink of our society,

At any second, a tsunami, a flood, a hurricane, and all the more,

They are only minutes away from combining forces, destroying humanity and all that it has brought to this planet, in such short a time. 

But there it stands, 

As solemn as ever,

Water lapping on the shores, 

The sound of nature a magnificent feat by itself,

As you close your eyes, 

All you sense, is the salty air grasping onto your skin,

The sound of the waves,

And the feeling of infinity,

In its own way gratifying and mesmerising.

The feeling of infinity,

You want it to last,

But alas he returns,

To the sights and sounds of the world,

But he holds on to the feeling,

In hope it returns,

In the bustle of the city life in which he loves.

Island Stories

And as a paw gently touches the moist sand, 

A crab scutters across before him, its colour matching the sand beneath it,

The light permeable dashes across the skyline above,

As they gently curve away from the setting sun,

The sun in all its beauty creating a nova of colours in the horizon, 

Ending in an array of rocks and a bundle of trees to add a finishing touch to the beauty,

He is engulfed by the vastness of the outstretching water. 

He steps into the lapping waves that leave a trail of seashells in its wake,

The waves, which takes all of his concentration to stumble through,

As he places paw before paw into the collapsing sand below, 

The line on which the waves pull themselves back from onlooking spectators, 

When the peak of the waves are visible approaching the sand,

But at the very last moment,

The wave implodes on itself into the collapsing sand, 

Impeding its progress.

The sea water, the floating sand, and everything else that it carries,

Tickles the legs of its guests, mocking them,

As deeper in it beholds far greater mysteries 

And treasures. 

As he turns around,

He sees people, of a different species, but similar altogether,

And the one thing that plights his thoughts at every given moment,

The crests of the murky water containing problems left unsolved,
Tension left contained.

He wants to make a decision,
 to jump into the oncoming waves,
Or to step back onto land.

And it all leads to a point where he either
Sinks, or swims.

Inexplicably Catastrophic

Time goes on,

And comes times like these, you feel you only can explain yourself through imagery,

the direness of your situation is unable to fathom by those unable to see.

From the eagle-point,

You're within a warehouse, shattered glass windows surround You as You attempt to take a glimpse from the slits that is left to see through.

Tied to a chair, rope entangled hopelessly as if earphones left in your pocket, let live through a excruciating experience that is the washing machine.

You are left, alone, in this devastatingly monumental structure.

The noise of a single rodent scurrying in the corner, looking for a hole, for escape.

As dawn breaks, and the slivers of sunlight leak through the windows,

You wince.

The sense of hope that you may escape from this place drowns you, and by doing so, the warehouse grows ever larger.

There is no more corner in sight, leaving only the sound of the rodent guiding the distance to the edge.

The hunger You feel is incapacitating your soul, burning you, from within.

The air grows slowly thinner, as You struggle to breathe. 

You want to be released from this torturous Hell,

And You are left with attempting to struggle through the ropes, or letting Yourself be swallowed whole by this imagination of Yours,

but in the end of the day,

the choice is not left to You if You are to be saved or not.

It is the rodent's.




I wish I had the opportunity to have that spare briefcase of weed to let me start afresh, leave my badge behind to the world, but all I want to do, is burn the Playbook, and stop all the bullshit that I've been through. I wish I could open a cupcake store in Candyland, and make the jolly citizens of that world happy, 

and smile as I see them frolick home, with peace in mind.

I wish I could actually be a hermit, and hide in my shell when the danger approaches.

But life is no fairytale, it is no drama series, it is no comedy.

Life, is but a brief candle, that struts and frets its hour upon the stage,

And then is heard no more, it is a tale,

Told by an Idiot,

Full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. 

Good night.

Dear Friend

Hello World,
Actually quite nice to be back in happier times compared to the past few months of general.. diaspora.

But then again I'm here to be sentimental, and of course in it, life changes, distance with friends, all that jazz.

When this holiday started, I thought I had things sorted, my life turning to a path of simply bliss.

But of course that's not allowed to last very long in this world, I've found a few things about myself and decided not to be happy with basically what I can get, rather than what I want.

Having to be able to choose is so much like the freedom of speech which every American loves bragging about, but really, who doesn't fall victim to conformity and all sorts of bullshit that change the way you talk and the way you think, brainwashing.

It's a pity that the New Year has brought good news and very likely, a lot of bad news that affect my personal life more than my career.

Dad's a lot happier these days, I think he's glad that at least one kid's back and learning the trade, happy that he doesn't have to give up his life's work to (no offense) less competent people, more narrow minded and sorts, being Malaysian educated. He's probably realized that I don't want to grow up to be exactly like him, I have my life plans and dreams that I can still hold on to for now - I'll look back in approximately 10 years from now on my 31st birthday and consider what I said I would achieve at this age. 

Checkpoints, but no re-spawning. 

1. Be in a stable relationship that I'm happy with, rather than tolerant with (Thanks Dad for that point).

2. Continue to be interesting in life, bring happiness and colour to the people around you. 

3. Take over Dad's company, and continue building from there, he would be proud of you.

4. By 34, start my development plans - No its name shall not be Casa de Phil-T. 

5. Most importantly to me at this age, keep my closest friends, they've proven to always be there for you.

Talking about friends,

bad news just continues to fly all around. 

It's not often that you hear that 3 of your close friends will not be returning "home" with you (Melbourne), including one that to this point, shows their utmost trust. Trust has been a problem for me all my life with my friends, and I love sharing what I know with people I care about, which is A LOT, because despite hiding all these goddamn feelings like I've trained myself to for much of my life, talking equates to caring about you - depending on the state of my speech.

I'd love if you guys could be able to read this, but so far, its just a diary for my personal thoughts that I share with people in times of need - depression, loneliness, negative emotions really.

This whole diary thing caught me hard, especially because I've been reading Perks of being a Wallflower. Hell of a depressing book, but it shines light on so many issues that I've had growing up. Especially with him growing up funny, but I'm glad to say that I can't blame myself for anyone dying, not that I haven't thought about it.

But God it's depressing to hear that your time with your friends becomes so limited after a single event change of your life. I've told my parents about these 3 people, and although them being good-hearted people who want to help and sort out these problems for them, I'm not meant to know these things about them, except for one. I wish I truly could though, it'd be the world to me if I could keep going with no change to current times, 2012 was an amazing year with you guys, and you should hear this from at least someone.

I will miss the times.

I came to writing all this because my holidays ending in a few weeks, and ever since news has been broken to me, I haven't exactly looked at time as being insufficient.

There are so many plans here that I want to go through with but I'm afraid. 

Afraid that I may create problems with my friends whom I care so much about, but many who do not trust me because I love talking - I've never been able to talk much as kid, and every opportunity I have could be my last. That's as much as you should know.

One person has made to change my thinking drastically over this holidays, but I gather that she has not a single clue that this is occurring. I might talk to her tomorrow about it, I might not, I'm not entirely courageous about talking about my feelings, vulnerability is my weakness.
You know those moments where you wake up and that person's image is the first thing to pop into your head in the mornings? Its one of those.

Love-hate relationship? I think its more of I hate that I love so much - Catholicism you've built your stronghold in me, even if I have sinned.

And I wish I think of a solution that could not possibly compromise what I have going. 

And time is running out.
Damned time.

But as far as I know,

#Apollo
We are the lucky ones.
We truly are.

We've got it easy.

And to one specific person back "home"

I apologise for what I have to do in the future,

There is no means of continuing what we are doing.

And I don't know how to do it without hurting you.

But you are a friend - and I shall love you as one.

Shout-out to you, "her" - whom I shall not name for I fear the worst.

May my opportunity come at a beautiful time,
So I may tell you, 

For what we can build is great,
Or disastrous.

With regards,

Him.

God, set me free.

It took me long while to get here, and to realise, 

but I miss you oh so much. I know this feeling too well, 

and god knows why it always take me this long to get to this point. 

I'm pretty useless right now, being all worried and stressed about something that had been decided.

It's a waste of time, you agree, she agrees, everyone agrees.

But god damn it, I miss you. With all my heart.

And I need help, oh yes I do. Tell me any way, any how, and I will try.

Please, God, anyone? 

Walking away

So, yesterday I was reminded of the superstition where if someone gives you shoes it means they're going to walk out of your life forever. I'm not a believer of the damn bullcrap but so far, its been pretty accurate. 

Ah, world, thou art look enchanting through watery eyes.

Clarity

Cause you are the piece of me,
I wish I didn't need
Chasing relentlessly

Still fight and I don't know why.

If our love is tragedy why are you my remedy
If our love's insanity why are you my clarity.

It's been a while.

Every year I'm back here. I don't know whether its just me, or I get too attached to way too many people. Whoever knows me, knows this one person know. That one, that I've told that if circumstances allowed we'd be together for a very long time.. but no. Not going to happen. Things never work out, and its always a time of year that I'm helpless, unsure of what to do, what I am capable of doing, any of that sort. People always talk about who they hate, why they hate them - well, first things first, the person I hate the most.. is myself. I don't think many people hate themselves more than me. 

You want to talk about narcissists? I'm the opposite. No clue what the word is, but you get me. If you don't know what a narcissist is, google it. I'm trying to figure out how to deal with it, but I don't doubt that I will break down soon enough. Have you been sad to a point you think whether anyone would miss you if you died? (from your own doing, you get my drift) I don't think its very healthy for yourself, when you potentially have another 40 years more to go? And you've only done 20. It's always in ratios for me, how long more I have to sustain all this, how long more I can handle it. 

To be frank, I need someone. 

Everyone's busy with their own lives, their own relationships, and many people don't need other people to survive. Well, I do. And I don't take things for granted, ever. So, regret. I can't do anything to try fix this for myself, and she's OBVIOUSLY moved on. You have no clue how hard I'm trying not to swear. I've written more words on this damn thing than I did on my essay I was working on for a bit before, and as hard as I try to now, I can't get it out of my head. You want to be smart and have photographic memory? Be my guest. 

I'm over this. 

Every memory, from day 1 up until now, have haunted me, you say don't hang on to the past and let it go, I say I am incapable of that, yes, incapable. I will always remember how it was like, the feelings (emotions), the physicality, everything. And it stings, stings to the very core of my being. If my heart wasn't already weak, it'd be worse now than ever before - it was perfect, and it has passed. Only but a 9 month phase in my life, and man was it amazing. I want to escape to another dimension, be someone else, be an animal, be anything, anything but me, anything but now. You call for emo music? Well, try listening to house music which is emo - I can't believe I've managed to do even that. I'm not going to go on about how I'm suicidal because evidently, evidently, you can read all that. 

As emotionless as I look, or try to be, I'm not. I'm truly and utterly, not. 

Why? I don't know. 

I just don't know anymore. I want it to leave me be. I'm going home for the weekend back to my parents and siblings, and I don't think it'll help me at all. They love me because I'm in the family, and that's it. My mum's special, but because she's an angel, but I can't talk to her, because I can't bring myself to it. I want to throw it all away, but I can't bring myself to do that either. Your face, god, your face, brings back everything to me, every day, every memory, every outing, every date. Yes, we enjoyed it, but knowing you're with someone else, hurts.

If you haven't gotten my message, pain, is all I feel, it's not just emotions, it's my heart - I don't know if you've felt it before, but it gets weaker with every step. And I don't lie about this.

So, move on? Yes. But to who.

I wish suicide was a lot simpler than it is.

My world is still collapsing around me, my entire being is depressed. And I still can't figure out what to do really. God help me. Someone. Help me.

Depression

So, so far only 1 person knows of my problems. Sandy Thong. A girl who I barely know and I've met maybe 3 times. I cannot confide in my closest friends in fear of judgment. The lack of closure with my problems may lead to the end of me. Blame my attachment to the past. The girl I'm in love with is far away from me while I type this out. I have noone to look up to. My future looks as far as I can see, lonely and full of greed. Even if technology is where I spend most of my time, it only makes my problems worse. It's like talking to a wall. There is no desire to achieve, there is no goal that I want to achieve, and the only thing that matters to me right now, is unachievable.

You know what, I hope I get cancer and die in a week.

Say It all. Right here.

I'm a fucking useless person, I swear.

Who gets a girlfriend and doesn't travel that one hour to go see her every week or so, doesn't call her every couple of days or so, and doesn't keep in touch. A fucking useless one.

Who applies for uni, skips majority of the classes, gives up when everything else fails, and just hopes it'll be alright after that. A fucking useless student.

Who spends a parent's money without thinking, just hoping that they'll be alright at home, with hardly any communication with them despite their many many emails checking on you, will spend the money to take you to Spain, but you don't tell them you withdrew from a subject, costing even more money. A fucking useless kid.

Why am I even here.

The Dog.

There are no fairytale endings in a modern day world, there is no happily ever after, because ever after only leads to more - and you know how it goes on, another dumbfuck appears out of nowhere and tries screwing you over. So here's a story that is definitely more likely to happen in our awesome world out there.

The dog limps out of the alleyway, a teardrop welled up in his eyes, as he stumbles onto the pavement. As much as a dog can regret, he regrets leaving his home - a home, the singular place in the world you feel safe no matter what - and in today's world, how often is it you find someone who has a true home, you find divorced families, and too many dumb bitches who undergo teenage pregnancy and get left to strive for themselves, but anyway, the dog, he leaves his home, pissed off about the few misunderstandings that go around his home, the only thing going through his head - abuse, mistreatment and revenge. As the dog slowly crawls his way out of the alleyway, he tries to find a place to lay his head, only to find that no one else would accept this damn dog - injured, sad and probably infectious. So what does he do? He continues walking down to sleep under the bridge. Yes, a bridge, how cliche. The only difference is, when he reaches this area under the bridge, he finds that his sight is gone. The dumb dog is now blind - although, you could say he was already blind, from the day he didn't realise the miraculousness before him, a family, happiness and a home. As he drops to the floor under the bridge - what else could he do, he's blind - and waits for a miracle to happen, like a fairy is just going to appear out of the fucking river to save his sorry ass. Oh, but surprise surprise, NOTHING HAPPENS. As he attempts to get back up, to try to reap any little bit of hope he has left, the dog, he falls into the river of despair. Not just any river, possibly worse than the Yarra to a multiple of billion. While in the river, the negativity within his mind bursts forward - the flash before your death? no. all you see is that regret you weren't able to accomplish what you wanted, you didn't keep what you had, you didn't REALISE WHAT THE FUCK WAS BEFORE YOU THAT WAS UTTERLY BRILLIANT. The dog lands in a vortex of loneliness at this point, disabled. His measly yelp for help is unheard, as no one is around, no one can understand him, and at this point - the only thing left for him to do, a teardrop wells up in his eye once more.

So the dog could be any dickhead in the world, who loses what he has, who ditches what was good, and regret half a day later. Who hasn't that happened to I wonder.

So you know what, just don't try, if you don't love you don't get hurt, if you don't aim, you can't fail. If you don't see, you can't lose your sight. You get my point.

All I have left to say is, thanks guys. Thanks.

Uni life sucks.

I need help. My world is just collapsing around me. The End.

Up to a point I can't talk to anyone due to my lack of connection to anyone proper. How fucking awesome.

Good night world.

Holidays.

How can you call it a holiday.. when u hardly sleep.. but am able to go out wit frens so much... ( budden so much drama.. duno hw da hell it started in da 1st place ).
Anyways, pool was as frequent as usual.. ac hardly.. dota.. slightly..
but.. i'm going back to australia tmr.. was about to say home, but now i'm slightly confused bout which is home for me, seriously.
sorray for those ppls i didnt get to meet over this hol, not that i'm waaay too busy seeing all the friends, but its just.. I CANT DRIVE YET.. goddammit

now to what happened during the hols :
1. CLUBBING. ( can some1 actually tell me wth i did that night.. n not say "oh, u remember that fat malay dude?" NONE OF THAT FCKIN BULLSHIT )
2. Da groups splitting up.
3. Ranting bout all da shit tats happened in our lives ( phil becoming the not so angry kid anymore, sam not being AS notorious, mel not being so screamish =P, form 1 n 2 plays, yeah.. all that crap )
4. Green penises are lame for the record.
5. Alcohol is not fun. especially when it comes out.
6. holiday homework's due soon.
7. i'm gonna miss certain ppl.
8. no1s hardly gona read this anyway.
9. EL, IF U BLOODY READ DIS.. U SHUD TELL UR OLD CLASSMATES THAT U ACTUALLY CAME HOME FROM UK! bloody hell..

ARSENAL GOT INTO DA SEMIS BIYATCHH.
oh, sean n vhi how pitiful for liverpool. n grats for shengy, da kid who cant get high no matter what.

To : All the Acmarians especially Samantha, Shu Yen,Melissa, Ruei Pern, Jay Min, Kyle

Since today is going to be Shu Yen's last day in Malaysia for this part of the year, 

I'm gladly going to say thank you so much Yen and Ruei Pern for spending almost every single day of this holiday with me; me being an ass most of the time I'm extremely impressed with you guys for still going out with me =P 

To all of you,

this really has been the best holiday of my life, never in my life have I spent almost everyday in Klang Parade, Asia Cafe and Sunway Pyramid. U guys make pool seem like the most enjoyable game ever and never would I have though that I could spend THAT much money on playing pool alone ( sorry parents =D thanks Jay! ). If I thought that my history in school would come back to haunt me, I'm definitely wrong seeing that the 1 girl that I fought with in school so many times in Std 3 suddenly becomes 1 of my really good friends( you know who you are ) and I would even spend a night in her house ( very recently actually ) with the whole group of friends and seeing Ruei Pern tipsy for the 1st time ever (hilarious really), plus I'm seeing Sean a lot more than I thought I would've ages back.  

I'm glad that I was able to spend my this holiday celebrating so many birthdays ( Shu Yen, Sean, Shi Yee, Samantha) and able to see them even though we've all left high school for a new life in college, new friends, new subjects, new teachers and a new lifestyle. 

I'm not going to be able to see a lot of you guys before I leave but I hope that you guys enjoy college but never forget how high school was like, meet new friends but never forget the old, find your perfect mate and enjoy the year. I'll be back to check out how you would've changed. 

Phil is back in Malaysia! ( AGAIN ) and sorry Kiko but he has the same laptop as you now.

    Dear Diary,

I don't use a diary. Get lost. 

*tears and shreds page* 

*burns book after a second of thought*

Okay fine I'm bored. I'm back in Malaysia and my friends are deciding to ditch me for college. God damn u guys =D Thank god for the people like Shu Yen, Sean and Ruei Pern. When's our Genting trip gona be huh? So anyway da last 2 days being back in Malaysia have been way awesome. 1 : going to mamak when i'm majorly jet lagged, 2 : I managed to attend 3 people's bday surprises; namely Shu Yen(3rd Jan) Sean (5th Jan) & Shi Yee (6th Jan). Happy birthday u guys!! Sean's turn tomorrow to hear me screaming Happy Birthday out da window of a car =P Yes Shi Yee, your next after. But you'd be too busy studying to read my blog ^^ 

Oh, and I was in Europe for the past 3 weeks or so.. I can't remember how long.. but it was pretty fun. Some major random translations and crap.. like how exit in Italian is U-shit-ah (Uscita).

This has got to be the funniest of them all. Switzerland for you.

Nothing beats the Eiffel Tower at night. 

and of course there's the Big Ben

and snow ( yummy! )

and a reaaaaally yummy waffle from germany.

Okay enough pictures. We visited 7 different countries in 12 days just fyi =P we spent most of our time in a bus anyway throughout the tour. I also read 3 different books on that tour xD to some surprise, i actually did quite a bit of shopping in London and all, sorry if I didn't get any souvenirs for u guys, can't afford d >.< 

Plus, today is Sean's birthday exactly, and we all wanna wish him a great day ahead. Not. LOL. jokes jokes...

Unfortunately for his brother he has to pick me up from my house and take ruei pern, sean and i to sunway( is Vhi comin? ).. we'll probably meet the college buddies somewhere there. Intro da hot new friends to us yea ^^ 

Everyone, have fun at school and college!

Jono's awesome at soccer =D

Note: The 1st badminton team actually won a group of random soccer players afterschool today.. Thanks to the only Year 8 kid there getting 2 goals(ALL THE WAY SEANNY!!) =D There were only like.. 2 white guys in that field today. Congrats to them, they lost in numbers, worse cause we're in aussie. HAHA!! Oh yeah, Jono IS awesome at soccer, he like.. kicked the ball 5 times ^^

Kienan.. I HATE YOU.. i got a frickin bruise on da side of my skull now.. n it doesnt feel good for shit.. go around pushing people into brick poles again WHY DONT YOU! jks jks =D u aint gonna read dis anyway.. ur still a bitch... AND U SUCK AT PHYSICS!! lool.. 5 equations on 1 question n all of em are wrong!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Maths today turned out to be an intense texas hold em session? Which was.. Kiko losing like, 6 times in a row.. =D That's what happens when your like, yay double twos. ALL IN!

Anyway, today still was rather boring.

Boring Day at Scotch(as usual)

So, studies is still boring, I still don't understand modern business management and badminton training turns out to be playing soccer. Great isn't it? Exams are up in a week and pretty much Kiko and me haven't studied for shit. Kiko's like.. playing on my DS beside me. I still have nothing much to do besides talk on MSN plus commenting on Rochelle's and Wendy's myspace(sad I know). I'm not a pimp by the way.

Back in action once again. after what, 10 months?

Phil Tan RETURNS! (scary sound effect)(somehow due to wendy)

1. Well people, for 1 I managed to proxy out my blogger account.


2. If anyone from my boarding house reads this, I'M NOT EVER GIVING YOU THE PROXY!


3. 29 days until I'm back in Malaysia, so I'll have 29 days of proxy-ing this(anyway).


4. All content in this blog is fictional and is not connected to anything in real life (GTA:SA influence).


5. Good luck to all O's level and SPM doers out there, you'll need the luck. KEEP IT!


6. I don't think I'll be able to upload many pictures, since the proxied internet is like, what.. dial-up speed?

So, we have like.. exams in 13 days. If anyone should be nervous, it should be those who bother studying at Year 10(Yes I'm talking to you, Jono, Julian & Rochelle). I doubt any of them are going to read my blog anyway. It's like, major bullshit.

After exams, anyone want to join me up at Melbourne Music Academy?(google it if you want, all the info is there) I'm planning on doing like, a week crash course of almost every hip-hop teacher there. Then Kenneth, we shall make our dance group; namely : We're better than Mark Lym. =D

Oh, if Jono ever reads this, HAHA I GOT 2ND SEED FOR THE BADMINTON TEAM!!!!! EAT THAT!!! jokes jokes. Okay, over and out.

note : Mel and Shu Yen, update your blog lah! getting way old edi!!