I wish suicide was a lot simpler than it is.

My world is still collapsing around me, my entire being is depressed. And I still can't figure out what to do really. God help me. Someone. Help me.

Depression

So, so far only 1 person knows of my problems. Sandy Thong. A girl who I barely know and I've met maybe 3 times. I cannot confide in my closest friends in fear of judgment. The lack of closure with my problems may lead to the end of me. Blame my attachment to the past. The girl I'm in love with is far away from me while I type this out. I have noone to look up to. My future looks as far as I can see, lonely and full of greed. Even if technology is where I spend most of my time, it only makes my problems worse. It's like talking to a wall. There is no desire to achieve, there is no goal that I want to achieve, and the only thing that matters to me right now, is unachievable.

You know what, I hope I get cancer and die in a week.

Say It all. Right here.

I'm a fucking useless person, I swear.

Who gets a girlfriend and doesn't travel that one hour to go see her every week or so, doesn't call her every couple of days or so, and doesn't keep in touch. A fucking useless one.

Who applies for uni, skips majority of the classes, gives up when everything else fails, and just hopes it'll be alright after that. A fucking useless student.

Who spends a parent's money without thinking, just hoping that they'll be alright at home, with hardly any communication with them despite their many many emails checking on you, will spend the money to take you to Spain, but you don't tell them you withdrew from a subject, costing even more money. A fucking useless kid.

Why am I even here.

The Dog.

There are no fairytale endings in a modern day world, there is no happily ever after, because ever after only leads to more - and you know how it goes on, another dumbfuck appears out of nowhere and tries screwing you over. So here's a story that is definitely more likely to happen in our awesome world out there.

The dog limps out of the alleyway, a teardrop welled up in his eyes, as he stumbles onto the pavement. As much as a dog can regret, he regrets leaving his home - a home, the singular place in the world you feel safe no matter what - and in today's world, how often is it you find someone who has a true home, you find divorced families, and too many dumb bitches who undergo teenage pregnancy and get left to strive for themselves, but anyway, the dog, he leaves his home, pissed off about the few misunderstandings that go around his home, the only thing going through his head - abuse, mistreatment and revenge. As the dog slowly crawls his way out of the alleyway, he tries to find a place to lay his head, only to find that no one else would accept this damn dog - injured, sad and probably infectious. So what does he do? He continues walking down to sleep under the bridge. Yes, a bridge, how cliche. The only difference is, when he reaches this area under the bridge, he finds that his sight is gone. The dumb dog is now blind - although, you could say he was already blind, from the day he didn't realise the miraculousness before him, a family, happiness and a home. As he drops to the floor under the bridge - what else could he do, he's blind - and waits for a miracle to happen, like a fairy is just going to appear out of the fucking river to save his sorry ass. Oh, but surprise surprise, NOTHING HAPPENS. As he attempts to get back up, to try to reap any little bit of hope he has left, the dog, he falls into the river of despair. Not just any river, possibly worse than the Yarra to a multiple of billion. While in the river, the negativity within his mind bursts forward - the flash before your death? no. all you see is that regret you weren't able to accomplish what you wanted, you didn't keep what you had, you didn't REALISE WHAT THE FUCK WAS BEFORE YOU THAT WAS UTTERLY BRILLIANT. The dog lands in a vortex of loneliness at this point, disabled. His measly yelp for help is unheard, as no one is around, no one can understand him, and at this point - the only thing left for him to do, a teardrop wells up in his eye once more.

So the dog could be any dickhead in the world, who loses what he has, who ditches what was good, and regret half a day later. Who hasn't that happened to I wonder.

So you know what, just don't try, if you don't love you don't get hurt, if you don't aim, you can't fail. If you don't see, you can't lose your sight. You get my point.

All I have left to say is, thanks guys. Thanks.

Uni life sucks.

I need help. My world is just collapsing around me. The End.

Up to a point I can't talk to anyone due to my lack of connection to anyone proper. How fucking awesome.

Good night world.